Heart and POLE
Pole dancing was an art I was always so mesmerized by but scared to do. I feared I was not strong or capable enough. To be real, I was afraid of what people would think of me if I did it. Societal beliefs had pinned it in my mind as something only strippers did and initially I let the label stop me from fully diving in.
I never fell shy of working alongside the art. I thank the universe everyday for guiding me to search through Craigslist for dance teacher opportunities. It eventually that led me to my safe haven.
I got a job at a pole studio teaching a grooves class to pole dancers. We worked on the basics of rhythm and coordination to help them feel confident in their free movement for performances and competition. I also started teaching a physical training class helping many women as they recovered from injuries and wanted to build strength. It was such a thriving community of empowering women. I've never felt so supportive and loved by a studio as I had when I was working there.
I took a few classes here and there to get by with basic moves to help my students but not enough for me to even feel confident with my own skills because pole dancing is truthfully painful and confusing.
Much like relationships, pole dancing has you go through stages: Excitement, disappointment, frustration, exhaustion, and complete euphoria. You have to take time, patience and practice with this new partner. It’s both a sport and an art form that we all have to work through differently.
At the time, I was giving my energy to a guy who I thought was "the one". After on and off for year he was honest to tell me he didn't have a burning desire to commit.I had let myself experience vulnerability and fall in love.
It led me to my biggest heartbreak. It was the most painful relationship separations I had experienced. I was reminded of him with almost everything I did and woke up with this uncomfortable pain in my heart. I was close to moving to a different city. Before I made any big decisions I took time for myself and I dove into dancing.
It was a painful healing process to endure alone so I leaned on my pole studio for support. I practically lived at my studio and took almost 4 pole classes a week! I was addicted to nailing tricks and getting lost in my freestyle flow. Pole will beat you up, learning new moves are painful and uncomfortable. You get bruises in spots you didn't think you could bruise.
I wanted to be distracted by pain everywhere else but my heart. I love that each class my body was sore and bruised up but I felt my heart slowly started to heal.
Pole dancing was my therapy and continues to be a hobby I do for ME. I don't perform, I don't book gigs or events. It's my art form I use to release my internal stories and the feelings that weigh me down.
I will post an occasional Instagram video but its usually something with a message of being in the feels or just having a good time. I love that I've inspired other women to muster the courage to try the art form.
It's been a beautiful struggle of healing, but a process that I was not alone in. Throughout my journey I acquired some incredible women who I'm proud to call my pole sisters. The community support was unreal and I'm forever grateful to have had experienced through that time in my life. I found more of myself through my relationship with pole dancing.
To anyone reading this who might have had a doubt about trying pole, chuck that limiting belief in the fuck it bucket. Allow yourself to fall into vulnerability and trust you have the power to overcome any move, twist or bend in your life.
Unleash that inner Queen to the playground and let her run wild. You never know what you'll release and uncover about yourself or what internal wounds you can heal.